The heaRt 1s a lOnely Hunter.(english version)

it seems i already officially closed here, that's not true.

 

i, just , being lazy for A WHILE. only today, that was a time when i saw loewe's new blog in sina, i shocked n it absolutely sucked

 

im, if i use simile, im like a charge in the electronic field, experience a force....to make me to sign in this blog, n then write something, otherwise i feel very uncomfortable.

so that's this blog's purpose.

recently, not big things happened.
i've got a new bf, Mr.L(that stands 4 lin!haha same surname). n i found that i wanted to love him more each day, this person can let me accept myself to change.i dnt know y im so attracted by him, but that's good. no one want to feel lonely, lonely hunter is not always lonely, i just keep seek for a person who can let all my loneliness gone.
this time i prove that i really like boys who are cute or pretty or handsome but that sort of person just for me to watch, not for catch! exactly!
but Mr.L, in my mind he is cute enough!!
im quite a selfish person, so i always follow my way to live, or just let my personatlities to develop widely without any restriction.
now i think i can control and improve my personalities in order to  cope him. lol.
hope this relationship can last longer than before, and i can be a betta and more caring person day by day.

another thing is i will help the donation for Sichuan earthquake in our school on fri. during period 4 and lunchtime, i will help them to collect more money to give to people who live under pain.

that's a shame if i didnt do anything for earthquake, even i deposited money to the bank account which for the donation, sometimes i still think i do too little 4 these people. im happy n with the warmth around me everyday, every1 seems to be nice to me, dnt need to worry about how to survive.
just a drop from every individual, these drops really can make up a whole ocean.that's wat mother.teressa said, n true we should become these drops.

lol.
it's mid-season sale!!!cant wait for shopping!!!XD.
tomorrow kongfu panda release here, that takes a bit long time!!!
want to c it with Mr.L asap!!!XDXDXD!!!

my termbreak will start on nxt fri!
nxt sat is the day leo come to sydney, quite miss him, my friend> <

oh,i hope i forgot him, i was stupid for a long time.

 

de main topic of today is luna park.

a very small park in Milson Point......... - -|||

 

but for me, who havent gone to park for N years, it was..fabulous.!

!!! i like the feeling of screaming, it just like at that time i can forget the whole world .!

n when i played tumble bug. a guy asked me for number, thanks for my poor english, i couldnt understand at first...so i didnt giv him my number. you know, i dont really feel comfortable about strangers...

however, after i playing ranger, a guy said, oh you're scared. i said, of course i am not. he said , you do . i said, nonononono..

he asked me if i was chinese, and he said he was half chinese, so i tried to talk more wif strangers.

anyway, i fanilly proved again that i couldnt communicate wif strangers.

...fine.

i hate des fkin' computer i cant stand it ...

but i cant live without it.!!!

i'll bring back a laptop when the next time i go to aus..

 

i just realise that in these couple of months, there was a second girl said to me,"oh..i dont want to have baby.."

it lets me sick..- -whatz going on?

 

and i also realise that being in love seems impossible for me, certainly.

yep surely i love somebody but i dont want to say any of my feeling to him and i dont want to be his gf,i dont want him hav gf,either.

it'z, very, neurotic.

i just love the feeling of loving someone but i dont think i actually love someone.he is just that very boy in right appearance and right time come into my life, my feeling of love tells me i can love him in order to have some happie in the school or i won't that expect school days..whatever.- -

i think be in love just cause the lack of freedom, im scared of that.

 

maybe all above are excuses.im just dont know how to deal with it.

anyway, impossible is impoosible.~~lalala

im enjoy the life with school,assignments,two jobs and the desire of shopping now!

im always feeling unhappy to myself these couple of days.

why i cannot be honest to myself, why do i always find excuse for myself in order to escape from truth.?

i often say what i dont want to say, or i say the opposite feellings.

 

i feel im being stupid.

in the past 16yrs, i experienced no so lot. but now if i compare my life to others, it could be totally blank.

i got fantistic friends and lovely relatives, but i know i lose something.

something i force myself dont touch it, and it is invisiable.

something kept hurt others' hearts and it was all my fault.

i feel guilty, if i can speak loudly and clearly wht i really felt, they wont be that upset, and maybe we can be quite good friends.

something just spread out in sydney's air naturelly, spread out around me, i really want to turn back and run away, never go to touch it.

be innocent child, play with flowers or whatever rubbishes is the best period of my life, but i realise this too late.

i feel lonely, can u stare me kindly and give me a warm smile?

i feel lonely ,but it cannot be a reason let me hurt someone.

 

if i can ignore him .

...

so i am always akira, it cannot change.

so i see nobuta, that's enough.